my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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