I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is her dick bigger than yours?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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