I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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