im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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