I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
