Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
