Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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