Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
