You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
