Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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