i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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