piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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