I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
