you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
