I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love having hate sex.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
