She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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