Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Drunk is not a location!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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