turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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