Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
