i just made my gag reflex go away.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
