last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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