i would punch a child for taco bell
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
