I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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