Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
there is glitter all over my balls
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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