life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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