Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
