It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize