My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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