in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
