we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
