Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
