I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
