The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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