Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
