I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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