Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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