i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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