And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
