We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
