I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
