If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
