Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
His nipple licking is glorious
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