i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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