If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
