She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
