Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
