I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
