It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize