So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
