I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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