I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
