So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
