Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
