I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
