I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
how drunk are you?
Several
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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