There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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