Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
