please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
