I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize