I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
