I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
