what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
