Got a toothbrush?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
