stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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