Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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