hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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