I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
