Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
