He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
