i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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