we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
