i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
