Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
