How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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