this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
