Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
