I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
