I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
