You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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