I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
