My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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