i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
