My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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