I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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