Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
