sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
