So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just invented taco cereal.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize