I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
