I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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