i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
