I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
