I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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